Men generally don't have a fear to get raped by strangers.Ī while ago I went home at 4AM. There also an attractive man who went around for 3 hours.īoth get around 10 verbal interactions per hour and the woman has a problem with that while the man doesn't. We have an attractive women who filmed herself for 10 hours and who argues that she shouldn't be approached in the way she is. the average woman are not going to diverge in a significant way.Īt the moment we have a debate about street harassment. However, for most purposes, the social models of the average man vs. The fact that he likes the attention doesn't mean that he has an established pattern of reacting to it. He mentions that he likes getting attention from them, well, most people like attention and this does not seem to hinder them - quite the contrary. OTOH, I suspect that even in a polyamorous, compersive context, a total absence of jealousy would cause relationships to drift apart a lot more than they do today - because sometimes jealousy does correctly detect that your relationship is at risk of burning down. It's probably not a good idea to jump from "some of my needs aren't getting met" to "I have a need for absolute social exclusivity and that need isn't being met," though. (It may well be weak evidence, just as the presence of particulates in the air is weak evidence of a house fire.) That's something worth talking about. One meme I picked up at OpenSF (a big polyamory conference a couple years ago) is that jealousy is not an assertion that your partner has done something bad - rather, it is an salient emotional warning sign, an indicator that you actually do possess some evidence of a threat to the relationship, or that some of your needs aren't getting met.
When it went off, 98% of the time it meant "Mom's cooking hamburgers for dinner and they're ready." So I came to associate that particular smoke alarm with good news (tasty food) even though the sound of the alarm was still irritating.) (When I was in high school, my family had an oversensitive and underspecific smoke alarm near the kitchen. But disconnecting the smoke detector is not the best idea either. If it goes off every time you cook dinner, that's both oversensitive (as an alarm) and unpleasant (as something to live with).
The alarm on a smoke detector is an irritating loud beep. But because it is so incredibly unpleasant to most people, it is itself worth avoiding for its own sake.īut that doesn't make it entirely a bad thing. Or maybe cow eyeballs.)Ī different view is that jealousy is not a reliable indicator of wrongdoing. I still rank it at least as bad as deliberately sneaking bacon into a vegetarian's food. That kind of behavior is inconsistent with a consent-based relationship though I would not go so far as to call it "emotional abuse" in every case. To know someone is to be able to manipulate them. (Sure, it is possible for a manipulative partner to deliberately set out to make you jealous, because they have a model of your emotional reactions. And it actively deters you from self-awareness and self-control, because you've pushed responsibility for your reactions onto someone else. And it's self-reinforcing - even if they do avoid doing whatever you think "made you" jealous, that won't stop you from later becoming jealous over something even smaller. Being angry is not the best state to understand what's happened and why it caused you trouble.
#Aha moment symbol how to
It gives neither of you much insight into how to avoid the situation in the future. They have made you jealous, either intentionally or negligently, and it is their fault. The mind-projection view is that jealousy means that your partner has done something wrong. I've dealt with it mostly in a polyamorous relationship context, whereas some of the other comments in this thread are about "jealousy" of someone you're interested in but aren't in a relationship with.
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